Stop "Shoulding" Yourself
Instead of looking at all of the things you “aren’t” doing - look at all of the wonderful things that you are!
Replace doubting language with positive affirmations. This practice will still acknowledge your progress, or lack thereof, but with a positive perspective instead of a negative tinting.
Instead of, “I should be further along by now,” tell yourself:
“I’m right on track for my own path.”
This sentiment doesn’t give you a perceived or implied timeline. This in turn allows for you to turn away any pressures or anxieties that you otherwise would have unnecessarily placed on yourself. When we impose a “timeline” for progress we often associate lack of meeting that expectation with inherent failure. Allowing yourself to travel on a journey alleviates pressure. Remember: we don’t say, “Wow, that flower has only bloomed this much?” Instead, we say, “Wow, isn’t it amazing that this flower was able to bloom?”
Instead of, “I should do what makes them happy,” tell yourself:
“I don’t have to live up to others' expectations.”
The expectations set by others are not your own. You do not have to comply with demands that you don’t see yourself aligning with. First, think: why am I not aligning with their perspective? If this misalignment is due to a violation of some sort - be it ethical, moral, or even legal - then it’s time to pivot regardless. If there is conflict due to comfort or preference points - consider your perspective, maybe you can adjust in some fashion to meet an equitable solution. However, if you evaluate and determine that you simply cannot budge, stand firm in your convictions.
Instead of, “I should look more like them,” tell yourself:
“I don’t need to look like anyone else but myself.”
You have lived with yourself for your entire life. No one has spent more time in your beautiful body than you. Celebrate all that your body has done for you. All of the life it has carried you through and every circumstance it has persevered with you. Your body may have failed you in areas you had different expectations for. But, your body has done exactly what it needs to for you up to this stage in your life. Anatomy and physiology aside, your “look,” is one of the components that makes you, uniquely, you. Celebrate your style and the skin you find yourself in. Heal your relationship with your body, whatever mending it needs, walk through that process exactly as you are able.
Instead of, “I should be working harder, longer,” tell yourself:
“I am allowed to listen to my body and take breaks when I need to.”
Mental health days are so needed! Rest days must be built into the schedule - they are deserved, not earned. When you must “check out,” put the “do not disturb” function on life. Hit pause as often as you can. You don’t exactly “help” anyone or anything when you are running on fumes.
Instead of, “I shouldn’t be thinking about what I need,” tell yourself:
“It is not selfish to take care of myself.”
At the very basis of our core - we believe this to be true. Care for you and your needs. Ask for help. If there’s one comprehensive statement that wraps up this month’s hint: stop “shoulding” yourself and start acknowledging all of the wonderful things you already do. Let us repeat: it is NOT selfish to care for yourself.
Whether this message speaks to you personally, or you know someone who could benefit from the gift of help, reach out and connect. Be it with yourself and your needs, or another’s. When you’re ready, we’re here to help!
